I think that this lifetime is about awareness. We slowly but surely become more and more aware of reality ... of deity ... of ourselves ... of others ... of our relationship to the universe.

So often we focus on growth. We look for ways to become more spiritual, more intelligent, and more experienced. But none of this can even start without awareness. We must be aware of who and what we are in each moment. We must then accept this truth as we in turn reach out in desire to become more than what we are.

When we choose to open up to and reach out to spirit in this quest, we will be changed. When we are left to our own devices, we will be fooled. I am aware of my weaknesses as well as my strengths. I know that I owe all that I am that is good to Father. All that I am that is not so good, is due to my human stubborness. Much I have held onto without much clue as to why. Perhaps this lack of awareness is why.

Patterns of behavior learned in childhood often molds us long into adulthood. Becoming aware of these patterns and seeking understanding as to why they were useful then and how they were established, allows us to fully surrender them to Father as he replaces them with newer and better patterns. Often such patterns can be easily seen by others, while we remain blind to them ourselves. Even having them pointed out does not create the awareness needed for change. This awareness I am talking about must come from spirit.

So often when we come into an awareness of such things, we also become discouraged. We are now face to face with our own frailities and it can loom down upon us. But if we see awareness as the open door to change, we can feel encouraged. Once made aware, Father can now work change within us. As long as we remain blind, not much can be done for our cooperation is required.

When an awareness leads to an awakening of higher realities, we can say that we are experiencing enlightenment. Stepping up the ladder one rung at a time, we are afforded the changes which open doors to even further change. But one step at a time is the key. No one can expect to jump over the entire ladder or skip steps and make it to the top. Skill must be established in order to ensure such changes are permanent ones. Rushing only brings forth mistakes and falls and temporal success.

Instead of spending our time looking to become more aware of others weaknesses and faults, we ought to seek within for a greater awareness of our own. In doing so, we may better shine the light upon another so that they may come to their own awareness. Often when we point out the faults and errors of another, we only serve to enhance their own blindness. Such mechanisms as defensiveness cloak reality and shadow the truth.

It is time for us each to ask ourselves how we can become more self aware while encouraging our brothers along this same journey. How can we love one another without attacking and correcting and intimidating? All of these tactics are survival techniques that may have served a purpose while we were growing up. But shouldnt they now be replaced by a better way?

I know that I was raised by a severe intimidator, and he also, by one. I was advised by the *experts* to find ways to avoid him and just to survive until I was old enough to move out. This advice may not have been the best, but so often even the experts do not have the answers if they themselves have not experienced a better way.

The patterns I established due to my childhood started off as becoming aloof and seeking to avoid. I became a huge people pleaser. I was a doormat. One day as I became aware of what I was doing, I decided it was time to change. I felt I needed to learn to stand up for myself and live in self respect. My old patterns, though, had not been fully understood, and I found myself at the opposite end of the spectrum. I stood up for myself all right, but without compassion. I went from saying nothing to making my needs known hardcore. I had come to believe...in a defensive posture...that those willing to step all over you would not listen to the calm voice of reason. I therefore would jump to a completely ugly mode. They listened to that. But, how did I feel about myself? I was now the intimidator. I was the very thing that I had sought to avoid. Again, this was due to a lack of awareness.

So often the very thing that offends us the most, is the same thing we tend to do to others. Until we are made aware of these patterns of behavior from deep within, we will remain blind to them and continue along.

I was not aware that I was being an intimidator. I was aware of my defensiveness, which was a big step in that direction. Now I have a fuller awareness of the entire situation. I now know that it is ok to stand up for one's self. One does not need to attack another who is hurting us. We can take the time to call people on such things and ask them why they are doing it. But to attack and give them back what they are dishing out serves no one.

Self respect is about standing up for one's self within the understanding of compassion and dignity. My task is to not allow myself to become an intimidator just because someone has chosen to become one with me. Calling this behavior out and not accepting it, ends it. From that point it is the other person's choice to continue or change direction. But we can not change another and we can not allow anothers choice to be the excuse for our own bad choices.

All in all, how we treat others...especially when we are being treated poorly, shows our character. It is not easy. Even with awareness of one's self and childhood patterns etc, we are still having to go through the experiential lessons of time in order to be changed by spirit. We can only hope to make those progressive baby steps in the right direction so as to ensure permanent change.

We have all known intimidators in our lives. We have all been the intimidator. We have all known those that manipulate with guilt and we have all done the same. There are many patterns of defensiveness that we are all aware of. Such patterns are what we employ when we find ourselves reacting to another person or situation. This is typical human behavior.

The question is...can we find some way deep within us to become more aware of how we have used and still use these mechanisms in our own lives and then choose to surrender them to a better way? Can we each look inside and see how such patterns have helped us survive but how they also have blinded us to a higher reality...a better way for growth in Father?

For some it is more obvious than others. For some such behaviors come out here and there but not all that often. As human beings we are all defensive until we become aware of the idea that we do not need to be. We all have a tendency to protect that, which does not need protected.

How can we all become more aware of our *stuff* today and reflect that growing awareness in how we interact with one another? Is there anyone here who is immune to such a need for awareness? Those that believe so are likely the most blinded. How can we encourage this amongst ourselves without correcting and intimidating others? Can we manage to call out such behaviors without attacking? Can we ask our brothers why they might have chosen to step on our feelings without stepping upon theirs?
Can we stand up for ourselves while growing in harmony with one another? Can we seek a better understanding of ourselves while also gaining a better one of our brothers and sisters? Can we take those baby steps to awareness without hurting others on the way up the ladder?

The first step ... the hardest step ... the biggest step ... is about becoming aware of what we once were blind to. From that point foward it is about choosing to allow Father to instill permanent change within us ... to grow us ... one experience at a time.

We must show compassion not only for others as this process takes place throughout our lives ... but for ourselves.

I know that, one day, we will all find ourselves in harmony with one another. Until that day, my hope is that we can each choose to encourage everyone's climb up no matter where they appear to be upon the ladder.